Thursday, March 11, 2010

The meltdown commences

I had so many positive feelings immediately following ET. Not necessarily that this would have a positive outcome but that I would be okay regardless of the outcome. Today, my mother in law left and bed rest is officially over. I am alone in the house with ARB and I can't stop wanting to hold her. I just want to hang on for fear that she will be taken away.

After transfer for IVF#1, I felt a somewhat depressed as if I had lost control of the situation. Throughout the stim phase, I could see progress and I knew we could change the meds to make things happen more quickly or more slowly and that gave me some feeling of control. I know in reality, I had no control over the situation, but at least I *felt* in control. Same thing this time only it feels worse probably because this is our last best chance... at least for the foreseeable future. Wednesday can't get here fast enough.