Progress is good

I started the estrogen patches last Monday and now I am up to 4 patches a day. The Lupron headaches are killing me and I feel like biting heads off anytime things don't go exactly my way. I'm blaming the drugs.

MTB and I headed to the parents' houses last week and upon our return, there was a box on our front step. I opened it to find that Brenda had returned the tiki fertility cups. I sent them to her nearly a year ago in the hopes that they would bring a little luck during her third and last IVF attempt. Unfortunately, they didn't work. At the sight of them nestled in bubble wrap inside the box my heart jumped just a little in excitement. Then I remembered why she was returning them and my heart hurt for her. We will toast our future babies with these cups just as we did for our very first IVF. The results from that cycle are stunning (and asleep in the next room).

CD1

Here we go... is this the cycle that will work? Last birth control pill was Tuesday (although it was supposed to be Monday - oops!). Estrogen patches start Monday and then we should really be cooking then.

Okay, I'm an idiot

I forgot to take my Lupron shot Friday evening. I have an alarm set up to remind me to take it every night at 9pm, and on Friday, I was too busy looking for recipes online to be bothered with the shot. I kept saying, "I'll take it in a minute." Yeah, that never happened. I finally remembered at about 8 the next morning so I was about 11 hours late. Not sure what to do, I took it 8 am and again at 9 pm last night. It should be okay, but I'll call RE on Monday just to let them know. I need to not push snooze on the shots.

Uhm, I can't think of a clever title

I started acupuncture again this afternoon. The lady is local, so it works out well that MTB and I can tag team ARB while I get stuck. The lady is nice and I think she did a good job. After only the first treatment and about an hour, I felt great! Also, she's got bargain pricing where you pay $350 for unlimited treatments for a month. I'm looking forward to getting my money's worth.

Next steps

Sono yesterday was clean, and I got the green light to go for Lupron. I started with 20 units, which is twice as much as in my IVF cycles. No headaches so far.

On pins and needles

Once upon a time, I tried acupuncture. I did it for about 3 months right after we lost our first baby in Oct 2007. I thought it was very relaxing until the acupuncturist basically fired me when she said, "I don't know why you are not getting pregnant. Come back if you want help with your headaches." Hmmm.....

I was only a little surprised when RE suggested acupuncture. He suggested one in Dallas while his nurse suggested someone else local. I contacted the local lady, and I'll start with the treatments in about a week. She has a deal where I can get a month of treatments for one low, low all-inclusive price. Now I just need MTB to commit to taking care of ARB while I attend these unlimited sessions. I want to make sure I get our money's worth.

FET - done

Okay, not done yet but we made a decision and we have a calendar. Based on the conversation with RE, we decided to go for an FET. The plan is to thaw our 10, frozen, 3 day embryos and let them grow to 5 day blasts and transfer on Jan 9. RE doesn't like the idea of a natural cycle, so I'm on birth control pills for a while and then 20 units of Lupron for a while. Ten units killed me with headaches so I am not looking forward to 20.

Movin' on

I don't know if I am really done being sad, but I am certainly ready to move on. My cycle started yesterday, and it's horrible. My lining was really thick because of all the extra hormones, and it's really showing itself right now. Yuck. My follow-up appointment with RE isn't until next Monday, but I plan to start taking birth control pills again tomorrow. I go back and forth between a frozen embryo transfer and another fresh IVF. If I have to wait a whole month on birth control pills and take Lupron, I might as well just go for a fresh cycle. The only real differences that I can see at this point are stims, which really aren't that bad, and retrieval, were I am knocked out anyway. I think a fresh cycle will give us the best odds and that's where I'm leaning... today. Tomorrow could be different.

IVF#2 Timeline

I decided that it's time to move the timeline for IVF#2 from the sidebar, but I certainly wanted to keep it for future reference. Here it is - in all its failure...

*Sept 14 - Start BCP
*Sept 28 - Sonohystogram and mock transfer
*Oct 8 - Sono and start Lupron (10 units)
*Oct 14 - Last BCP
*Oct 19 - Sono and labwork
*Oct 20 - Start stims (Follistim and Menopur) and Dexamethasone
*Oct 22 - Sono and labwork (E2 = 87, 5 measurable follicles)
*Oct 24 - Sono and labwork (E2 = 352, 18 measurable follicles )
*Oct 26 - Sono and labwork (E2 = 961, 26 measurable follicles )
*Oct 28 - Sono and labwork (E2 = 2222, 30 measurable follicles)
*Oct 29 - Sono and labwork (20 mature follicles + 10 others)
*Oct 31 - Retrieval (12 mature eggs + 5 more that could mature in culture)
*Nov 1 - Fert report - (16 eggs fertilized of which 14 are considered good/excellent quality and 2 arrested)
*Nov 3 - Transferred 3, 8-celled embryos (1 grade A and 2 grade B) and froze 10 on day 3 (bedrest x 4 days)
*Nov 13 - Negative

The end of this road

I am not pregnant. I am sad, I have a headache, and I feel sick to my stomach, but I am most certainly not pregnant. I was sitting on the floor with ARB yesterday when the thought that she may never be a big sister hit me like a ton of bricks, and I started to cry. She has never seen me cry before, and she was fascinated by the tears rolling down my face. She crawled over, climbed up my arm, and touched my tears. She is amazing, and how can I be sad for long when I have this amazing little girl in my life? She and MTB are everything to me, and I am so grateful that we have each other.

We are currently trying to decide what to do next and when to do it. Initially, I was leaning toward another IVF as quickly as possible, but if I were allowed to cycle again starting with this next cycle, stims and/or retrieval would end up right about the time that MTB and I hoped to spend a week at the cabin. I'm wondering if an FET (frozen embryo transfer) would be a better option to get us through the end of the year.

The day before beta - 9dp3dt

I lied. Last night, I found 2 home pregnancy tests underneath the sink. One was a traditional pee stick and the second was a digital. Both are negative. Today, little else hurts as much as seeing the words, "Not Pregnant." I'm hoping we can talk with RE tomorrow to decide our best options moving forward. We have 11 embryos on ice, but all are less than stellar quality. Given we still have coverage, I wonder if it makes more sense to move forward with another fresh cycle asap?

Another 24 hours - 8dp3dt

I asked MTB to hide my pee sticks. Testing is just too hard, and I'll wait until Friday. My plan at this point is to go in for the blood draw at 9:30 then maybe I'll test after that. MTB has meetings Friday so maybe I won't, and I won't answer the phone either. We can check the message together later in the afternoon. He better not get the phone call or I'll be seriously pissed.

The wait continues - 7dp3dt

It was completely negative this morning. I thought I could see a line, but I think I was fooling myself. Last time, I didn't even get a hint of a second until 9 days past transfer so I still have a day or two until I reach that point. I read a study that suggested that ICSI procedures tend to result in lower betas for viable pregnancies, on average, than a non ICSI IVF procedure. To me, that means they tend to implant later. At least that's what I'm hoping. The wait is killing me.

The longest wait

What all of the readers of my original blog don't know is that I tested out my trigger, and I knew I was pregnant 2 days before the beta. It didn't feel right to announce anything based on the home pregnancy test especially before we announced to our families. In any case, I started testing at 8 days past egg retrieval and got a very slight positive, which only meant that my system was still showing the effects of the hCG booster shot I got the day after transfer. The test was completely negative the next day. I continued to test and at 11 days past egg retrieval, I was still holding a completely, stark white home pregnancy test. I was devastated. The next day, Memorial Day 2008, I got the first hint of a second, pink line, and it was magnificent! MTB and I celebrated by driving to some small town or another and having breakfast at the smallest, greasiest diner in Texas.

For this cycle, I tested for the first time this morning at 9 days past egg retrieval. There is a hint of a line, which only means that I could still be showing the effects of the hCG booster shot I got the day after transfer or I am pregnant. I don't know a thing, but I'll test again tomorrow and the day after and the day after that hoping that the line gets darker. The waiting really is the hardest part (to paraphrase Tom Petty) and it sucks.

Transfer x3

We transferred 3 embryos on Tuesday, November 3. This time around, it seemed much more anticlimactic than it did the first time around, and yet it was still super exciting. I'm still not sure why we didn't push for a 5 day transfer since we still had 13 embryos growing strong in the lab. We ended up transferring the best 3 and freezing 10 on day 3.

MTB's mother was here to take care of ARB while I was on bed rest - 4 days of bed rest! We had breakfast and headed over the hospital for our 12:30 appointment. After spending more time than I hoped with my legs wide in the air, it was done. I didn't have to wait as long to go to the bathroom this time around, but I waited anyway and listened to a meditation designed for post-transfer. I was home and in bed by 3:00.

We got a picture* of our embryos this time around, and I have to say that these are some fine looking kids...



I hope at least 1 decides to stick around for a while.

*The real life picture is so much better, but I took one with my iPhone since I never remembered to ask MTB to scan it for me.

Tiki power, activate

In preparation for our first cycle, a kind blog friend sent me a pair of tiki fertility cups, which probably had a lot to do with the fact that she had twins. I was touched that a) someone I didn't know would be interested in our success and b) that someone would part with something with so much lore within her own family. The cups worked and I passed them onto another blog friend.



Last night, the night before our transfer, MTB surprised and amused me when he produced 2 new tiki fertility cups for us to toast our baby and hope for success. By remembering something so silly, he has again proven himself the sweetest and most loving man on earth.

Day 2

So, we still don't have any new news on our growing embryos across town, but I went for a check up this morning. As expected, I have lots of fluid in my abdomen, which is causing all the discomfort. Maybe I don't understand, but transfer has been scheduled for tomorrow at 12:30. I would have though that with 14 fertilized eggs, we would wait until tomorrow to see if we would end up with a 3 or 5 day transfer, but it seems the decision has been made and day 3 it is. On the one hand, we got pregnant with a 3 day transfer once and lots of women do, but on the other hand, it would have been nice to see what tomorrow brings before making the decision.

MTB's mother arrives tonight to help take care of ARB. Four whole days of bed rest for me and I'm not supposed to pick up my baby. I wonder how well this is going to work out?

Fert report

MTB got the call instead of me, and that makes me mad. But whatever.

To recap, we got 12 mature eggs yesterday and 5 more that RE thought could mature in culture. Of those, 16 fertilized overnight. (Not sure what the mix is of the mature vs matured eggs.) As of this morning, we have 14 fertilized eggs that are considered good/excellent quality and 2 that were not. Those last two arrested and are no longer developing. We won't know until Tuesday if we are going in for a 3 or 5 day transfer.

Retrieval (again)

I went under this morning for my second ever egg retrieval. After a slow start on the left ovary, the latest sono had shown some 20 mature follicles and several more that were right on the verge. This morning, we got 21 eggs. Only 12 were mature, and 5 more could mature in culture, but just like last time, I'm really not counting on it. Hopefully, we will have a good crop of embryos on Tuesday. I feel like if we are lucky enough to get to a 3 day transfer, that's all I can ask.

The second time around, I knew a little better what to expect and we mentioned to the anesthesiologist that waking up was so hard last time. Brutal, in fact. Last time, I was shaking violently for 30 minutes and I had no clue about anything. Whatever this guy did, he did it well, and I woke up warm and more or less aware.

A friend of mine kept ARB while we were busy in the hospital. MTB and I considered trying to tag team her, but in the end, it seemed better that she didn't have to spend the morning in the hospital with all the germs. ARB did well and didn't cry much except when my friend walked more than 2 feet away. My baby girl is so easy going, and I'm glad that she wasn't stressed out.

Sooo, at this point, transfer is scheduled for 12:30 Tuesday afternoon. At least, I really hope so.

Afraid

I have no idea if I felt this way last time or not. I've looked back on that cycle, and it seems that I was pretty bloated by this time, but now, I feel cramps where my ovaries would be. Did I feel cramps last time too? I just don't remember, but this is really freakin' me out. I wonder if I'm not ovulating early perhaps.

As for the trigger, it went well given that I messed up. During my appointment yesterday, the nurse mixed the trigger shot, and I was supposed to put it in the fridge when I got home. I forgot. When we got home, it was time for ARB to eat and I had to take my last Follistim injection and I completely forgot the shot in my purse for about 5 or 6 hours. When I did think about it, I put it in the fridge and let it go. Fast forward a few hours until after RE's office closed. I started to worry about the shot. Did I mess it up? I Google. Dr. Google and his many amateur assistants have conflicting stories... some say that as long as it's used within 12 hours of mixing, it should be okay but some say that the effectiveness may be compromised. I panic. I call RE on his cell phone, and he returns my call within 2 minutes. As long as the temperature in our home didn't get into the 90's, I should be okay. Then he tells me that he had to have some sort of emergency procedure done on his right eye, and he will be wearing a bandage during ER on Saturday. Uhm. What?

Arrgghhh, an RE with a patch - I'm trying to ignore the fact that he will be wielding a giant needle in and around my girly bits. Ahoy, Matie.

And MTB did make it home in time to give me the trigger. He did a good job, and I didn't feel a thing.

Trigger

Trigger tonight. According to this morning's sono, I have 20 follies ready to go, but my E2 levels tell me that we probably won't get 20 mature/quality eggs. I'm hoping for a good harvest, a good fert report and a 3 day transfer. MTB is in Houston today and he probably won't be home in time to give me the trigger shot so I'll have to do it myself.


I really hope this works.

Follie check - part four

Today's follie check revealed 30 measurable follicles! 30!! Not all will contain an egg and not all eggs will be mature, but it's looking good so far. I have about 15 follies on each side with the biggest measuring about 20mm. I have 9 more between 16-19mm and several, several more between 12-15mm. I hope there are at least a few good ones in there because I'm not convinced that I could do this again anytime soon. Trigger is expected tomorrow although MTB is planning a trip to Houston so I may end up giving the trigger to myself. Not fun, but I could probably handle it.

Retrieval is expected Saturday morning, and MTB and I have been going back and forth about what to do with ARB during that time. At first, we thought we could just tag team her, but as the reality sets in, we realize that we probably need to find someone to care for her. We don't have family in town so it's not like we have built-in babysitters. I talked w a friend of mine who lives about 3 miles from the hospital where we will be Saturday morning, and she has agreed, in theory, to watch Adele. She agreed not knowing that we will need to be at the hospital by 6 am. My friend is not much of a morning person, so we'll see if she's still interested.

How I'm doing

Cray-zeee! That pretty much sums it up. The meds have fried every last nerve when it comes to everyone except ARB. MTB can't seem to do anything without it absolutely driving me crazy. We talked last night, and I mentioned that we haven't been talking enough lately and that's never good.

On a completely different note, MTB provided a semen sample at the lab yesterday. The lab is located at a hospital about 30 miles away, and since our last cycle, it's been acquired by another hospital system. Last time, MTB walked in and after some trouble actually finding the right place, he did the deed and left. This time, he actually had to register. He spent nearly an hour in admitting and had a bracelet. He said the bracelet didn't help.

I'm cramping a little bit and I'm worried. I wonder if I haven't screwed up something and I'm ovulating early. My brain tells me that everything is probably okay, but still, what if it's not? Sono and blood work in a few hours.....

Follie check - part three

Today's sono went well. At this point, I have about 15 good size follies on the right and 11 on the left, and all measure between 10-13mm. My lining is a nice 10mm, and things are moving along nicely. Amy, the nurse, said that she expects I'll trigger on Thursday, which puts us retrieval on Saturday. I am so happy that things are going well so far. I'm trying not to get too far ahead, but I can't help thinking about transfer.

ETA: E2 is 961. Follistim tonight and in the morning is 225 units, then drop Follistim to 150 tomorrow night and pick up the Menopur. Lupron stays at 2.5 units.

Follie check - part two

I had my second follie check this morning, and things are cooking in there. I was worried after Thursday's sono only showed 5 follies on the right and no action on the left. RE said that he was very pleased with my response so far and that my E2 on Thursday (87) was very good. So today's scan showed a lot of follie growth.... even though it looked like he was double counting some, he counted 18 follies (11 on the right and 7 on the left). I left a happy girl. I won't know my E2 from today given it's a Saturday, but RE adjusted my meds: Follistim goes to 225 units AM and PM and Menopur is suspended for a few days. Next check is Monday at 9:30.

ETA: E2 was 352.

Damn!

I had decided that I wasn't going to do all those stupid things I did with IVF #1... things like soaking my feet (to increase blood flow to the uterus and ovaries), eat eggs (I HATE eggs - except in cake) or drink protein shakes (eh! I burned out on them). All those ideas came from reading the online baby boards rather than my doctor so I thought that they probably didn't have much to do with the success of my last cycle. Maybe I was wrong to drop those things?

I went in for the first follie check this morning, and it seems that my left ovary is currently on strike. While the right has about 5 or 6 good size follies after 2 days of stims, the left has no activity.

Is my hope for another baby too much to ask?

ETA: E2 is 87 and the meds stay the same (225 units of Follistim in the AM, 150 units of Follistim in the PM + 75 units of Menopur). Now if I can just get my insurance company to approve the dang refills, life will be okay.

And we're off

I had my baseline sono and blood work yesterday, and all is well. I have at least 8 follicles on right and 6 on the left, which means that we could get 14 eggs. I feel like that's unlikely, but I am hopeful that we get a few good enough to get pregnant.

I started stims this morning. It was a little strange to be shooting up again, but here we are. I honestly can't remember everything I did last time, but I guess I'll be trying to keep my feet warm (something about warm feet increasing the blood flow to the uterus - who knows if it works?).

Headache

I had forgotten how miserable the Lupron headaches can be. It's even worse when you are fighting off a cold AND you have an 8 month with her very first cold. This sucks.

Sono and baseline blood work tomorrow. If all goes well, I start stimming on Tuesday and the Lupron drops to 2 1/2 units a day. Ahhhh, relief!

Waiting for AF

I am so glad that the birth control pills are done. I think they were seriously messing with my mind. Tuesday afternoon, I wanted to take ARB to the aquarium in Baltimore. When I got to the window, the woman told me that I couldn't take the stroller in and I would have to check it. Tears immediately stung my eyes and I felt like such a failure. A failure? The feelings were overwhelming, and it was pathetic.

The headaches are coming, I'm afraid.

Go for Lupron

My sono today revealed that there are no cysts, and I am good to start Lupron. Headaches - here I come!!

Meds!

I got my huge box of meds today, and I was a little overwhelmed at the number of needles included in the kit. Holy crap - and I have to shove each of them in my flesh. Nice. Sono tomorrow and then I start Lupron. Ugh! The headaches I could do without.

I've given up coffee for the second time in my life. The first was in the spring of 2008 before our IUI and IVF cycles. I love the taste of coffee, and it was one of the things I missed most throughout my pregnancy. I know there are studies to suggest that 1 cup won't make a difference, but I'm willing to give it up if it means that we can give ARB a sweet baby brother or sister. That is my main goal these days. It's a good one.

Go for launch

Or at least, we are go for our cycle. We do not need to postpone because of the gall bladder surgery, which is scheduled for tomorrow at 7 am. I'm a little scared, but ready to feel better. I've read lots and lots online that describe how a faulty gall bladder can cause all sorts of yucky feelings including scales on the soles of your feet. What?

So it looks like I will start Lupron next week assuming the birth control pills have done their job.

On our way - for now

I had the sonohystogram yesterday and all is clear for launch. I can't believe I'm all set to start Lupron next week. That is, assuming this gall bladder surgery doesn't interfere too much. I should know more tomorrow.

Delay

Crap - this is the response I got from the nurse when I asked if this stupid surgery would impact my cycle,

"... you can continue with the cycle. But if your Dr who is going to do your surgery tells your otherwise, then you will need to stop and wait a cycle."

My appointment with the surgeon isn't until Wednesday.

Randomness

It's an early Sunday evening, and ARB is finally in bed. She had a long day as MTB and I were out and about running here and there. She was so tired I put her down a few minutes early, and she's asleep. For now.

I found out this past week that I need to have my gall bladder removed. I'm hoping that it won't interfere with our IVF cycle, but the nurse hasn't returned my emails. I hope that having this thing out will make me feel better. Everyone whose had the surgery and everything I've read online suggests that I will.

I think these birth control pills are going to kill me. Or MTB. I go from nagging to mad to crying in about 10 1/2 seconds. It's getting old, and I feel powerless to deal with it.

I try to imagine having another baby in our home and it's hard. There are times by the end of the day that I am so ready for 5 minutes to myself, and I know that me-time will only get harder with another one around. Am I ready for another baby already?

Calendar

Got my calendar today. The nurse had to plan around travel schedules for me, RE and embryologist so I don't expect retrieval until the end of October. As of right now, my calendar looks like this...


Sept 14 - Start BCP
Sept 28 - Sonohystogram and mock transfer
Oct 8 - Sono and start Lupron (10 units)
Oct 14 - Last BCP
Oct 19 - Sono and labwork
Oct 20 - Start stims (Follistim and Menopur) and Dexamethasone (Lupron drops to 2.5 units)
Oct 31 - Possible retrieval
Nov 3 - Possible transfer (bedrest x 4 days)
Nov 13 - First beta

Not sure how 4 days of bed rest will go this time around. Last time I was extremely compliant, and I didn't move from the bed except for a super quick shower and bathroom breaks. Not sure it will go as easily this time with a 9 month old baby girl crawling everywhere even with extra help from MTB's mother. We'll see how set in stone that bed rest really is. Many RE's don't even prescribe it.

Still nervous.

Is this real?

I still don't have my calendar. How can I obsess if I don't have my calendar?


I took a home pregnancy test this morning. I've been feeling really tired and very sick for several days, and I thought it better to be safe than sorry. I just needed to know that I wasn't pregnant. I'm not.

Still scared about doing this again.

The second time around

I started birth control pills today. It always seems a little weird to begin this most aggressive form of fertility treatments with birth control pills. Of course, I understand why I'm taking them, but it still seems paradoxical.

As the thought of actually going through another IVF has started to sink in, I'm filled with anxiety and fear. How hard is this going to be when chasing ARB around the room? How will the drugs effect me this time? Will I still get those horrible Lupron headaches again? How am I going to manage ER and ET with ARB? What if this doesn't work? MTB and I had a major heart to heart the other day, and I think he's forgotten how hard this process is on the body. I think I had forgotten about it too.

I should get my calendar tomorrow.

The appointment

Mitchell and I met with RE for the first time since our last pregnancy at about 9 weeks. Given my age, it seems appropriate that we get going on making another baby if we hope to give ARB a baby brother or baby sister. Initially, we wanted to talk about possibly getting some fertilized eggs and freezing them until ARB is a little older. I was a little surprised when RE suggested that our last cycle wasn't considered an overwhelming success. He actually said that as I was holding my baby who resulted from that cycle! Then he went on to explain that he retrieved 16 eggs on our first cycle, 8 were mature, 8 fertilized, we transferred 3, got pregnant with 1 and 1 made it to freeze. We should have had more from the 16 eggs retrieved. I guess it's all in how you define success. I went in for CD3 blood work a few weeks ago, and at this point, we are just waiting on my next cycle to start so the nurse can create my calendar. RE was not sure if I will follow the same protocol as he needed the results of my CD3 blood work. I should know more within the next few weeks, but we could be going for retrieval/transfer sometime by the end of October. Yikes! I'm scared.

What's the point?

Seriously, what's the point of this blog? Mitchell and I met with our RE several weeks ago, and I actually wrote a long and drawn out post describing that meeting, but I couldn't hit publish. For some reason, I just want to keep this cycle somewhat more private than the last. It seems so selfish to want another baby when my first baby (and second pregnancy) is *only* seven months old. I still want to record this next cycle because it's tremendous to go back and read where I was and what I was going through. Maybe I'll share these details some day.